40 Weeks and 2 days

So I am two days past my due date and I know I have been saying this for weeks, but this baby can come any day.  She can, and I am hoping she will.  I am huge and it is time!

At my appointment last Wednesday 2/19,  I was measuring 2 cm and was 50% effaced and soft, which is an improvement of .5 cm from my appointment on 2/13, which is good. Its improvement. My next appointment will be on Thursday 2/27. I am hoping I am done being pregnant at that point though.
At my appt on 2/13, the nurse and doctor told me that they can start inducing at 39 weeks so I began thinking about the possibility of being induced.  Being 3 days away from 39 weeks at the time made it much more real.  When I went back at 39.3 weeks they informed me that they won't induce anyone  until 41 weeks.  Now, I am not sure who the heck is running that place but I am really confused as to why I received different facts.  You don't mess with a pregnant lady like that.  I go to a doctor group and don't see the same doctors or nurses every visit, which I hate, I don't suggest it, but out here in PA it really is practically your only choice.  So after getting my hopes up that whether baby girl comes on her own, or I choose to be induced, I won't have to wait much longer.  HA. Now that I will have to wait for the monday after I hit 41 weeks, I won't be able to have baby until March 3 and my due date was February 23. Frustrating. I have been cramping and contracting a lot this week though. I was actually cramping and contracting a lot on 2/23 and all night long and into the morning of 2/24, but it never progressed past that and eventually went away and  I feel stuff here and there intermittently but nothing time-able or unmanageable.  Every time they start up I get my hopes up and they never amount to anything.  

I have been feeling conflicted lately.  I find myself being frustrated with things I can't control.  On one hand, I really want this big baby out so I can return to feeling more like myself and get back to being me, however I feel guilty saying that.  I am trying my best not to be negative and wish this time away. I feel bad because these are the last moments I have to be so close with this baby girl.  We have been pals and constant companions for 10 months now.  It's hard to think its not going to be that way any more.  I know she will still be here- but I won't wake up to her kicks and somersaults, I will wake up to her cries and constant demands.  I really have enjoyed being pregnant and as ready as I am for her to join our family, I can't help but feel a sense of mourning.  I know its only going to get better, but part of me feels sad to give up this part of the process.

It has also been interesting to watch many of my friends who share the same due date as me go days, a week or 3 weeks before I do.  So so happy for them. But now that my due date has come and gone- it makes me sad too.  

Last night I became an aunt again.  Joseph and Aubrey Apple had their baby boy, Jayden. He's adorable. We are so happy for them and are grateful everything went smoothly.  He weighed in at 6lbs 14 ounces and is 20.5 inches long. I'm hoping now that baby girl's cousin is here she will decide it's time to join too.

One of the saddest things about my current state is my feet and ankles that just keep getting worse/more swollen. And no, my doctors don't care.  Greg was rubbing my feet the other night and he said it made him sad because his finger prints were making indentations into my feet and ankles. 

After wearing socks and shoes

My achilles tendon. 

This picture may or may not make them look worse than they are.

 I read this poem yesterday and it made me feel better about where I am at.  Still feeling so conflicted and guilty. I want her out but I love her being in there. 

My baby’s not a library book,
so baby isn’t overdue.
My baby don’t take long to cook,
coz it’s a baby not veggie stew.

My baby’s not an elephant,

and I’m not fit to burst.
The time and date aren’t relevant,
we’re blessed with days, not cursed.

My baby can’t read dates as yet,
because she's very new.
So there’s no cause to fuss and fret,
if baby don’t come on cue.

So stop your worry,
stop your asking,
there’s no hurry
we’re relaxing 

In this golden pregnant time,
this pause, which is just hers and mine

Week 40 Day 1

How far along? 40 Weeks 2 days

Total weight gain? 40 lbs

Maternity clothes? I am down to my last few maternity shirts.

Stretch marks? No, thank goodness.

Best moment this week: Finally feeling contractions and cramping. Which hurts, but it feels like progress.  

Miss anything? Yes. A lot. 

Movement: She likes to move but I can tell that she is pretty cramped.

Food cravings: None.

Anything making you queasy or sick: No

Gender: Baby Girl

Symptoms: Swollen ankles and feet. arthritis in my fingers. Cramping and contractions.

Belly Button in or out? OUT!

Looking forward to: Baby girl getting here. Holding her. Greg finally getting to meet her. I feel as though I know her already.